Saturday 25 August 2007
Backstory
Chapter 1.
One day there lived a very naughty little boy. His name was Andy. His parents had realised at an early age that he was trouble. No matter how mcuh they tried.
Andy prided himself on his record. 15 times in and out of Juvy by the time he was 15. Despairing, his parents turned to electro-shock therapy - 3 sessions a week. It did nothing but aggravate his passion for petty crime. He stole chocolate from the IGA, wrote "Math sucks" on the school desks, glued two 5 cent pieces together in order to trick the vending machine into thinking it was 2 dollars, and worst of all.... an unhealthy passion for Baroque music.
Chapter 2.
Over the years Andy went from bad to worse. He had to change his naughty ways for good, or else become a delinquent forever. (pause for effect) Then one day he framed the pure hearted Robbie in a vicious waterfight, resulting in a detention for the both of them.
THen detention remained a permanent mark on Robbie's record. He was expelled, and after a few months discovered Islamic extremism, joining the Jihad. Jealous of Andy's impressive record concerning theft from teh IGA, Robbie decided to do Andy one better - he blew up the IGA and the surrounding buildings.
ASIO had been following RObbie's movements for a while. They caught him in a seedy bar betting on a cockfight. He was shipped immediately to Guantanamo Bay.
3 years later, images were leaked to the press of prison abuse cases. Butt-naked on the top of a pyramid, surround by several snarling Alsations, was none other than Robbie Elisabeth James. While the Australian Governement will not help or accept him, he has applied for citizenship in several other countries. None of them will accept such a hardened criminal.
Chapter 3.
Just for the sake of mentioning the fat kid.
Andy stares longingly out of his maximum security cell like a fat kid looks at chocoalte cake. He's not really hungry, it's just habitual now.
Alternitively - like a fat kid stares at another fat kid, because you are what you eat.
LIke a fat kid stares at Kirsty Alley before and after Jenny Craig.
LIke a fat kid stares at a double burger with cheese... it's a gland problem.
Like a fat id stares at pistacio nuts (don't laught at that, it's really not funny).
One day there lived a very naughty little boy. His name was Andy. His parents had realised at an early age that he was trouble. No matter how mcuh they tried.
Andy prided himself on his record. 15 times in and out of Juvy by the time he was 15. Despairing, his parents turned to electro-shock therapy - 3 sessions a week. It did nothing but aggravate his passion for petty crime. He stole chocolate from the IGA, wrote "Math sucks" on the school desks, glued two 5 cent pieces together in order to trick the vending machine into thinking it was 2 dollars, and worst of all.... an unhealthy passion for Baroque music.
Chapter 2.
Over the years Andy went from bad to worse. He had to change his naughty ways for good, or else become a delinquent forever. (pause for effect) Then one day he framed the pure hearted Robbie in a vicious waterfight, resulting in a detention for the both of them.
THen detention remained a permanent mark on Robbie's record. He was expelled, and after a few months discovered Islamic extremism, joining the Jihad. Jealous of Andy's impressive record concerning theft from teh IGA, Robbie decided to do Andy one better - he blew up the IGA and the surrounding buildings.
ASIO had been following RObbie's movements for a while. They caught him in a seedy bar betting on a cockfight. He was shipped immediately to Guantanamo Bay.
3 years later, images were leaked to the press of prison abuse cases. Butt-naked on the top of a pyramid, surround by several snarling Alsations, was none other than Robbie Elisabeth James. While the Australian Governement will not help or accept him, he has applied for citizenship in several other countries. None of them will accept such a hardened criminal.
Chapter 3.
Just for the sake of mentioning the fat kid.
Andy stares longingly out of his maximum security cell like a fat kid looks at chocoalte cake. He's not really hungry, it's just habitual now.
Alternitively - like a fat kid stares at another fat kid, because you are what you eat.
LIke a fat kid stares at Kirsty Alley before and after Jenny Craig.
LIke a fat kid stares at a double burger with cheese... it's a gland problem.
Like a fat id stares at pistacio nuts (don't laught at that, it's really not funny).
Connex - a love story
Good afternoon passengers (and more specifically Andy)
Connex would like to appologise for any inconvenience caused, in cancelling EVERY SINGLE train that you wanted to catch on thursday teh 23, after that wonderfull excuse to exercise your vocal chords, choir. Connex understands that you wanted to take the trian home quickly. Connex was alsoa choir nerd. There are many things taht connex understands, one of which is your pain, andy, while you were sitting on teh platform in total dispair, Connex was too, in a state of toal dispair. (although Connex does not have a wierd fettish for smoke of the tracks, Connex can make your wildest dreams come true). Andy, Connex was doing everything possible to get the train runing just for you. Yes it may have seemed that Connex was looking after the other commuters, but Connex only has eyes for you Andy. Connex does not want to make more people jealous. Yes Andy, there was someone before you (but never after, promise). He was a wonderful kid, but he took advantage of me and my services, and it lead to his own downfall. Never walking anywhere, he steadily gained weight. Andy, I didn't want to discuss this so soon in our relationship, but my ex can strike anytime, in fact it was he who sabotaged my "perfect" rail system Andy.
When ever you see a fat kid, turn the other way and run. Because if he looks at you like he looks at those walking escalators at the airport or how he looks at all the temptation food on the biggest loser, your life would be at great risk! Andy, I think we have a wonderful future together, don't worry, I can stop fat kid from vandalising the trains, and even if I can't I'll still be watching y ou!
Good evening passengers (and Andy). The next train to depart from platform 2 will be dedicated to Andy. Please remember: THAT CONNEXT LOVES YOU
Connex would like to appologise for any inconvenience caused, in cancelling EVERY SINGLE train that you wanted to catch on thursday teh 23, after that wonderfull excuse to exercise your vocal chords, choir. Connex understands that you wanted to take the trian home quickly. Connex was alsoa choir nerd. There are many things taht connex understands, one of which is your pain, andy, while you were sitting on teh platform in total dispair, Connex was too, in a state of toal dispair. (although Connex does not have a wierd fettish for smoke of the tracks, Connex can make your wildest dreams come true). Andy, Connex was doing everything possible to get the train runing just for you. Yes it may have seemed that Connex was looking after the other commuters, but Connex only has eyes for you Andy. Connex does not want to make more people jealous. Yes Andy, there was someone before you (but never after, promise). He was a wonderful kid, but he took advantage of me and my services, and it lead to his own downfall. Never walking anywhere, he steadily gained weight. Andy, I didn't want to discuss this so soon in our relationship, but my ex can strike anytime, in fact it was he who sabotaged my "perfect" rail system Andy.
When ever you see a fat kid, turn the other way and run. Because if he looks at you like he looks at those walking escalators at the airport or how he looks at all the temptation food on the biggest loser, your life would be at great risk! Andy, I think we have a wonderful future together, don't worry, I can stop fat kid from vandalising the trains, and even if I can't I'll still be watching y ou!
Good evening passengers (and Andy). The next train to depart from platform 2 will be dedicated to Andy. Please remember: THAT CONNEXT LOVES YOU
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